How’s Your Child’s Mental Health?
Vincent Willem van Gogh, one of the most renowned and influential figures in the history of Western Art, reportedly struggled with mental instability and depression from a young age. His story serves as a reminder of how creativity can emerge from deep emotional challenges, as well as the tragic consequence of a lack of support for mental health.
For those who don’t know, October is Mental Health Awareness Month. This topic has been getting a lot of airtime in recent years, and it’s about time. It wasn’t that long ago that mental health was something you didn’t speak about; it had a stigma, it felt humiliating that you couldn’t cope. If you were struggling, you just smiled and soldiered on. Nowadays, adults can be more open about their struggles without worrying that they’re going to be judged, and that’s wonderful. But what about our children?
‘Mind over matter’ by Malwande Ngcingi
Little Minds, Big Feelings
We don’t usually think of children as having serious mental health issues. Sure, they cry and sulk and throw tantrums, but that’s just part of childhood, right? The reality is children naturally go through fears and worries at different stages of their development, particularly during transitions like starting school, going on camp or moving to a new place. They also experience emotional ups and downs, which can be more intense during puberty and adolescence due to hormonal changes that heighten emotional responses.
Last year UNICEF released a report that found 60% of kids they surveyed felt they needed mental health support. A silver lining is that statistic was actually 15% down from a similar report the year before, but two thirds is still high. And in older teens (15 and up) the percentage was still sitting at 70%!
(Survey URL: https://www.unicef.org/southafrica/ureport-south-africa)
What conditions are stirring up trouble?
Depression and anxiety: Just like grown-ups, kids struggle with anxiety and depression. For some, the pressure to excel in school can be overwhelming. Our overachievers might feel a surge of anxiety when they perceive themselves as falling short, while those struggling academically may spiral into feelings of inadequacy, thinking they’re letting their parents down. And it’s not always about marks – not making the first team in sport or not getting into the choir or school play can feel just as devastating. Anxiety, often derived from fear of failure and a need to be ‘perfect’, can present in several behavioural ways including Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and hypochondria.
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): This is a hot topic these days, often coming up in conversations about parenting – after all, we all want to make sure our kids’ behaviours don’t embarrass us, right? But there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye! Sure, many children with ADHD might have trouble paying attention or seem overly active, but not every child is bouncing off the walls. Sometimes, the signs are subtler and can be easily overlooked, like struggling to focus, making careless mistakes, or having a tough time following instructions. It’s important to pay attention to these signs so we can act promptly before it affects their overall social and academic performance!
Eating Disorders: The teenage years are tough when it comes to body image, especially in an age of pervasive social media and celebrity culture, and it’s not just older teens at risk of developing eating disorders. One study found that the largest increase in eating disorder symptoms in adolescents, was kids between the ages of 12 and 15! We tend to think of anorexia and bulimia when discussing eating disorders, but there are lots of other types of eating disorders, such as binge eating and avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. And it’s not just girls who are at risk – while eating disorders are less common in boys, they definitely can still occur. Boys also deal with low self-esteem and bullying or teasing about their weight or body image if they don’t fit the ‘mould’ of those around them.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): This is a really important issue for children who have experienced violence or other significantly stressful or traumatic events. When children go through something like an accident or witness domestic violence, they might start reliving those moments through nightmares or even in their playtime. This can make it tough for them to cope with daily life, affecting their focus in school and their ability to build healthy friendships.
Other behavioural conditions, like Conduct Disorder (CD) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) don’t get as much attention, but can really impact a child’s social and school life. For example, a child with CD might act aggressively or completely disregard rules which can lead to conflicts with friends and authority figures. On the other hand, a child with ODD tends to argue a lot with parents and teachers, making it difficult for them to do well in structured environments.
Why Are Kids Struggling?
Just like with adults, there are many reasons why a child could be having mental health issues – it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent! Remember, your kids haven’t graduated from the school of hard knocks yet, so something small for a grown-up can feel like an enormous tragedy for them.
For a small child, losing a beloved stuffed toy can feel like someone died.
Children also don’t know how to cope with rejection or constructive criticism (actually, let’s be real for a second, a lot of adults don’t either!) So, when a teacher tells them their speech could have been more rehearsed that could feel devastating.
And when your friends are your whole life – as is the case for many tweens and teenagers – a fight with your bestie, or being left out of a social circle could feel like the end of the world.
The Subtle Signs
Mental health issues aren’t always as obvious as physical health issues – even to the person struggling with them. Adults don’t always realise they’re depressed, for example, or that the pains in their chest are linked to anxiety.
Our children have even less life experience to draw on, so don’t expect them to have the words to describe what’s going on with them. Teens tend to keep to themselves at the best of times anyway, so they’re even less likely to talk openly about their feelings or emotions.
Know your child and look for changes in their behaviour or daily activities. If your child is usually full of beans, but they’re suddenly keeping to themselves, that’s a red flag. If your daughter used to wear shorts and t-shirts and now she’s hiding in baggy tracksuit pants and long sleeves, that’s another red flag. Angry outbursts, snapping at their siblings, doing badly at school, or avoiding activities they used to enjoy like extra murals or hanging out with friends can all be signs of trouble. Also, keep an eye on how long the behaviour lasts, that might help you decide if it’s a cause for concern or just a passing phase.
How To Support Your Child’s Mental Health
If you notice any of these signs or others, the most important thing to do is avoid judging your child. They need to know they can come to you without worrying that you’ll be angry or disappointed.
Chat about it. Start a conversation at a casual time, like while you’re walking the dog or in the car on the way home from school. Ask them how they’re feeling and let them know that whatever they’re feeling is ok.
Be very careful what you say. Avoid saying things like, “it’s a phase” or “that’s normal at your age” (even if it is normal!). Saying things like that can make a child feel like their feelings aren’t important, that you don’t care or that you don’t understand. It may be the first and last time they open up to you. Instead, ask them to elaborate. Keep quiet and let them talk. Actively listen to what they’re saying. Let them know you love them, that you’re glad they trusted you with this and that you’re there for them anytime they want to talk.
Call a pro. If it’s too much for you to handle or if your child doesn’t want to speak to you, find a counsellor or psychologist who specialises in children’s mental health. And, although it’s hard, try not to feel offended that your child doesn’t want to confide in you – it’s not that they don’t love you, sometimes it’s just easier to speak to a stranger.
About the Artist: Malwande Ngcingi
I was born in 1992 on the 7th of January in the Eastern Cape, South Africa. My name is Malwande Ngcingi and I am a Gauteng -based artist. I live and work in Johannesburg, august house. My formal arts education started in Saturday art classes at Johannesburg Art Gallery (JAG) in 2009. I completed my BFA at Tshwane University of Technology in 2016. I was selected as one of the alumni for African Social Enterprise Fund Visual Art Award In 2017 and also in 2017 I was one of the 12th finalists for “Our Community, Our Future Competition” held by Rainbow Media and Di Sarro under ARP- Art Residency Projects Award. I was a featured artist for the Emerging Painters show at the Turbine Art Fair in 2017 and Thami Mnyele fine arts awards top 100 finalist 2021. My work had been featured in Backyard pitch’s anthology book “speculative fiction and activism”. I have also received a certificate of recognition for top 25 J.P Morgan abadali pproject. In 2023 I was selected to be finalist for uMsizi NoPende Art competition. I have exhibited in several local galleries, as well as the Pretoria Arts Museum.
Follow Malwande on Instagram: @artwande
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